Bend First Presbyterian Church

Psychologist Richard Carlson wrote, “I used to think my life would begin once the problem was solved, the debt was paid, the conflict was resolved and the chaos calmed until I woke up one day and realized that was my life.”

When we wake up each day we have a reservoir of energy and we choose to expend that energy throughout the day in ways that are helpful, and in ways that are unhelpful, in ways that are life-giving and ways that are life-draining, in ways that contribute to the lives of others and in ways that keep us stuck in the cocoon of our own anxieties. Think about your own energy today – where is it directed? (to read the full message, follow this link: http://www.bendfp.org/.docs/pg/10770 )

I saw a t-shirt with the phrase “Make History” on the front. Don’t we all make history; it’s just that the history we make doesn’t get recorded and taught but, believe me, we make history. What you do matters . . . it always matters.

Do you feel what you do matters? What do you have to offer the world?

Our summer message series is Living Streams. (follow this link to read the full message from August 8, 2010: http://www.bendfp.org/.docs/pg/10770 )

A husband makes an appointment with the family doctor out of concern, and a great deal of frustration, over his wife‟s apparent hearing loss. “I think she‟s going deaf,” he says to the doctor. “She never hears me the first time I say something to her. In fact, I have to repeat things over and over and over again before she responds. (follow this link to read the complete message from August 15, 2010 http://www.bendfp.org/.docs/pg/10770  )

I’m a lousy skier. Something about being uncoordinated and steep hills make for a dangerous mix. I have two brand new hips now so skiing is a skill I would like to develop. You could say I’m living in the right place to achieve that goal. (To read the full message, follow this link: http://www.bendfp.org/.docs/pg/10770)

SILENCE REALLY IS GOLDEN: Why a few minutes of silence every day may be the best medicine you can give yourself.

Have you ever over-reacted? Has your reaction to something been disproportionate to the event itself?

On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being calm and centered and 10 being anxious, frustrated, worried, stressed, I suspect most of us live our lives at an 8 on that scale. Life has a tendency to be relentless. There is constant pressure, constant noise, constant demands, constant interruptions, constant worries. Not only do we have the noise, activities and demands outside of us to deal with, many of us have a constant chatter and dialogue in our minds reminding us we should be worried, stressed and anxious.

So, life has a tendency to be relentless and we live our lives at 8. What happens is that our body gets used to that tense state of being, assumes things aren’t going to change anytime soon so our body adapts and thinks this is just the way things are so I better get used to it. So, a tense state of being begins to feel normal and we think we’re at 3 or 4 when we are really at 8. Notice, it doesn’t take very much…spilled coffee, a comment from a colleague or family member, some one cutting in front of you in traffic…and it sets you off and , all of a sudden…Aaagh!!!… You’re at 10 and your reaction, externally as well as internally, is disproportionate to the event itself. We find ourselves over-reacting and making poor choices.

Think about how you felt during the best vacation you’ve ever had in your life when you were able to live in the moment finding a retreat and sanctuary from life’s pressures. Or, think about how you felt if you’ve ever had a full body massage. That’s how you’re supposed to feel. That’s normal. Somehow we’ve convinced ourselves that life at 8 is normal and we find ourselves reacting to life from a place of stress, anxiety, anger and frustration.

I think the goal of life is to respond to life from a place deep inside of love, wisdom and strength instead of reacting from a place of fear and anxiety. I call this TAKING A SECOND BREATH. Our breathing tends to be very shallow because we hold a lot of tension in our chest and shoulders. I think of this as our first breath where we react to life’s events from all that stored up anxiety, frustration and stress. What if we could learn to pause and take a second breath…a deeper breath…draw on a deeper source of wisdom, strength and love and make choices from that place.

MUSIC IS ONLY MUSIC BECAUSE OF THE SILENT SPACES BETWEEN THE NOTES. If you don’t have the silent spaces between the notes, what would you have?…rap music (just kidding!) You would have NOISE.

Have you ever noticed how our lives are so often full of noise, both externally and internally, without any relief or space? The TV is blaring in the background, cell phones are ringing and buzzing, even if there’s a pause in our conversations we are quick to fill the pause with words.

Yet, music is only music because of the silent spaces between the notes. If you give two piano players the exact same sheet of music with the exact same notes, the song would sound different because the real artistry of the song is how they use the space.

Our lives can feel like noise leading to stress, anxiety and even depression if we don’t intentionally create space, learn to take a second breath and draw on a deeper wisdom and strength. Pascal said all of life’s problems result from not being able to sit still, quietly, alone in a room.

There’s a Chinese proverb that says, “Even the fastest spinning wheel is still at the center.”

It’s a funny thing how we think we will solve the problems of our life by turning up the volume of our thinking. It was Einstein who said we can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created the problems in the first place. He said we don’t need solutions. We need wisdom. Wisdom resides in that space, in that silence, that second breath, that lies beyond our thoughts.

Think about when you have your best ideas. They usually emerge surprisingly when we have stopped thinking…in the shower, gardening, walking along the river. Many successful companies like Google and Apple pay their employees to go sit in a room by themselves or go for a walk and try not to think. They are paid not to think. That’s because they know that wisdom and creativity reside in a deeper place beyond our thoughts.

Music is only music because of the silent spaces between the notes. Where do you build that space into your life? Where do you find the time to take that second breath living at 3 or 4 rather that 8 or 9 on that stress scale? How do you tap into that deeper source of wisdom and strength rather than react from fear and anxiety?

Here’s something to try.

Create space by being still 3x a day for 3 minutes.

Once in the morning, at noon, in the evening, remove yourself from all distractions.

Just sit and be.

Think of that scale of 1 to 10 and without judgment simply notice where you are on that scale. Where do you notice any tension?

Give yourself permission to breathe…to breathe deeply. Either close your eyes or light a candle and focus on the flame. Imagine breathing beyond the shallow breath of your chest and breathe deeply into your stomach. Inhale to a count of 7. Exhale to a count of 11. Say the word “peace” or “calm” silently to yourself and repeat that again inhaling to a count of 7 and exhaling to a count of 11. 3minutes 3x a day.

A little silence will perhaps be the best medicine you can give yourself.

How many of you have experienced Bend’s favorite pastime – floating the river?

The river these last few days of sizzling hot weather has been more crowded than a freeway in rush hour traffic in Chicago.

People are flocking to float the river seeking refreshment on a sizzling hot day.

It is a wonderful image of surrender seeking solace from the heat being held up by this living stream whose current is gently carrying you along. (to read more follow this link: http://www.bendfp.org/.docs/pg/10770 )

Proverbs – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”

Jesus lives his life under the guidance of the Spirit . . . listening . . . trusting the Spirit would guide his paths.

Henri Nouwen was a priest and a brilliant, brilliant teacher at places like Harvard or Yale.

He spent the last decade of his life living in a community with severely challenged people . . . emotional, mental, physical disabilities.

Henri was someone who lived by and trusted those inner promptings of the Spirit.

One time there was a guy in his community named Trevor, a man with severe mental and emotional challenges who was sent to a psychiatric facility for some evaluation. Henri wanted to visit him, called the hospital to arrange a visit.

When the leadership of the hospital found out Henri Nouwen was coming, they asked him, “Could we have a lunch in the boardroom and invite doctors and clergy people, and PhD’s and have them meet Henri Nouwen.”

Henri said, “Alright.”

Henri showed up, and they took him where the luncheon would be, but Trevor wasn’t there.

Henri said, “Where’s Trevor?”

He was told, “Trevor can’t come to lunch. Patients and staff aren’t allowed to have lunch together. Plus no patient has even had lunch in the boardroom.”

Now, an understandable response would have been for Henri to say, “Well, okay, you’re in charge.” By nature, Henri Nouwen wasn’t a confrontational person . . . actually, a very meek and humble man.

But paying attention to and being guided by the inner promptings of the Spirit was the constant adventure he tried to live his life by.

And there was something that came to him t hat was clear and simple – INCLUDE TREVOR. Community is about inclusion. Trevor ought to be here.

Then Henri had to choose.

It probably happens to you on a regular basis.

How do I respond? Do I go along . . . play it safe . . . ignore the prompting of the Spirit or do I listen and trust and allow the Spirit to direct my path?

Henri said, “The whole purpose of my coming today was to have lunch with Trevor. If Trevor isn’t allowed to attend lunch, I’m not able to have lunch with you either.”

Not surprisingly, a way was found for Trevor to have lunch.

Nouwen writes about this and reflects that everybody thought they were there to hear Henri Nouwen. People were doing what people do posturing and jostling to sit next to him at lunch.

At one point Henri was talking to the person on his right, and didn’t notice that Trevor stood to his feet and lifted up his class of Coke. Trevor said, “A toast. I will now offer a toast.”

Everybody in the room gets real nervous. What is he going to do? What’s going on?

Then Trevor, this deeply challenged man in a room full of PhD’s and doctors starts to sing,

“If you’re happy and you know it, raise your glass . . .

If you’re happy and you know it, if you’re happy and you know it, if you’re happy and you know it, raise your glass.”

Nobody is sure what to do . . . there is this awkward silence . . . think of all the posturing and positioning that went on in that room to sit next to Henri Nouwen. And there is this man with a level of challenge and brokenness they can only imagine. He is just beaming. He is present and for the moment just seems thrilled to be there.

So the people start to sing, softly at first and then louder and louder until all the doctors, PhD’s, clergy people and Henri Nouwen are almost shouting, “If you’re happy and you know it, raise your glass.”

Henri went on to give a talk, but the moment everybody remembered   . . . the moment God spoke most clearly to that room and touched hearts with a memory that would last as long as they lived . . . was through the person they all would have said was the least likely person to speak for God . . . God spoke through Trevor.

The Spirit is in you . . . speaking . . . guiding . . . nudging . . . comforting   . . . challenging . . . calling . . . that is part of the great adventure . . . to be still long enough to silence all those other voices that appeal to our ego’s . . . that arise out of our fears . . .

And listen to that Spirit of love that is present seeking to guide us.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge God and God will direct your path.

HOW TO COPE WITH CHANGE!

My son just graduated from high school and is headed to Minnesota to go to college. It is very difficult to imagine not having him around . . . CHANGE . . . TRANSITION.

The one constant in life is change. Yet, many people do not like change and find it difficult to cope with change. As the saying goes, the only person who likes change is a baby with a wet diaper. Here’s the thing . . . change doesn’t care whether you like it or not. Change doesn’t care how you feel about it. The key is HOW YOU CHOOSE TO RESPOND TO CHANGE.

Change = loss

And, loss = pain

Pain is inevitable in life. Misery, on the other hand, is usually a choice.

I love the story of the very rich man who admired people with courage and determination. He had a huge swimming pool. He filled his swimming pool with every kind of dangerous fish you could imagine . . . shark, piranha, barracuda. He said the first person who has the courage to swim from one side to the other wins a million dollars.

Before he even finished the sentence he heard a splash. There in the pool flailing away was the least likely person you could imagine. This short, skinny, unassuming man was in the pool dodging danger trying to swim to the other side. He made it! Everyone was amazed. The rich man said, “Congratulations! What courage! The million dollars is yours!” The man said, “Million dollars? I don’t care about the million dollars! I want the name of the S.O.B. who pushed me in!”

That’s how change often feels. We’re thrown into the deep end of a pool filled with danger and we’re not sure how to get to the other side.

Suzanne Kobasa did an extensive study of people experiencing change. She discovered some people really struggled with change and other people actually thrived in the face of change. Her research discovered resilient people tended to have three things in common.

Resilient people saw change as a challenge and not a threat. As the saying goes, if you can’t change your circumstances you can change your attitude about your circumstances.

There’s a true story of twin sisters who celebrated their 80^th birthday and moved from their home to assisted living. Neither sister had married. They were both nurses. They lived together most of their lives. In fact, they lived remarkably similar lives. As they celebrated their 80^th birthday and moved into assisted living, one sister interpreted this change as a threat. She became very withdrawn and negative. She focused on her fears and what was wrong.

Her twin sister, experiencing the same transition, had a remarkably different attitude. She saw it as a challenge. She wondered how she could make the best out of this new chapter in her life. She wondered how it might be an adventure.

She had always dreamed of climbing a mountain. She started using the pool and exercise room in their new environment. She went on walks and hikes and learned to climb. At the age of 83, Hulda Crooks became the oldest woman to climb Mt. McKinley.

Resilient people see change as a challenge and not a threat. They recognize change may look and feel like an insurmountable mountain, but they look to the resources they have accessible in their backpack and get busy climbing taking one step at a time.

Suzanne Kobasa also found that resilient people focused on what they could control and not on those things outside their control.

The greatest wisdom and therapeutic advice is the SERENITY PRAYER –

Grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

to change the thing I can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Stress in life happens when the perceived demands of life exceed our perceived resources to meet those demands. The mistake we make is focusing our energy and attention outside of ourselves on the demands, most of which are outside our control. The key to resiliency and coping effectively with change is to focus on what you can control . . . your attitude and your response.

Life isn’t fair. Change happens. Life is rarely the way we think it should be. How we choose to respond to life makes all the difference in the world.

There’s a phrase I’ve shared before that I find really helpful – “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

As you consider the changes and challenges in your life, try saying to yourself, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Now, of course, you may prefer things to be different but the reality is you can’t change what has already happened. You can only control how you respond to what has happened.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way” helps you remember WHAT IS, IS . . . and helps you take a deep breath and instead of getting stuck in WHY you begin to ask yourself NOW WHAT.

Finally, Suzanne Kobasa found resilient people cope with change by seeing it as a challenge, focusing on what they can control AND serving others rather than being only concerned with themselves.

There is a tendency when we are stressed to become withdrawn and self-focused. Much strength and energy can be gained by getting out of ourselves and becoming involved in serving and helping and encouraging others.

One of the most positive, life-giving emotions is the feeling that your life is useful and has meaning.

Victor Frankl was a psychiatrist and was also a survivor of the concentration camps of Nazi Germany. He observed that surviving the most horrific conditions had very little to do with gender, age, strength. He observed that those who survived shared the little bread they had with others, especially the vulnerable . . . children and those who were sick. Those who didn’t survive were the ones who hoarded the little bread they were given for themselves. The act of loving and caring and serving was the source of an incredible strength that helped people rise above the most horrific conditions. Fear saps your strength. Love gives you the strength you need.

Change is constant.

Change happens. Change is painful.

Change could care less how you feel about it.

How you choose to respond to change can make all the difference in the world.

Remember, it is not what happens to you but how you respond to what happens to you that matters most!

Two most important days of your life – day you are born and the day you discover why you were born.

Why are you here? What is the purpose of your life?

When a child enters the world, how do we know what this child is here for? That’s what Jeremiah was wrestling with in our Bible reading today. God said to Jeremiah, “Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about  you. I had holy plans for you . . .  and you need not be afraid as you live out your calling to BE the person I created you to be as I will always be there for you.”

Wow . . . think about that . . .  you existed in God’s heart before you were even born . . . God had and continues to have holy plans for your life.

As my son graduated from high school and is leaving for college, I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing. I remember 18 years ago this fall as we were getting ready for Jacob to enter the world, we went to birthing classes. They gave us a lot of advice in these classes most of which I forgot when it mattered most.

One thing I do remember which I thought of wad kind of unusual. They suggested for people like me who were there to support that you should never use the word PAIN. Apparently, using the word pain makes the pain even worse. Who knew? Instead, you were supposed to use the word DISCOMFORT. I don’t know . . . somehow asking my wife in the middle of childbirth whether she was experiencing a little discomfort didn’t seem like a good idea to me. My guess is if I said that I would be the one who would find out what pain was all about.

The doctor allowed me to deliver Jacob and when he entered the world, it was the closest thing to a miracle had ever seen or experienced. I somehow knew this child came straight from God’s heart and is on this earth for a reason. What seems to allow people to go through the extraordinary pain of childbirth is the PURPOSE that lies on the other side. Someone said, “When there’s a why you can bear almost any what.”

This little child (who is not so little any longer) entered the world and the great and wondrous mystery is there’s a reason for it. He came straight from God’s heart – God had his holy plans for his life.

It’s a funny thing. If someone asks you WHEN you were born, everybody knows the answer to that question. But the real question is WHY you were born. They don’t print that on your birth certificate, which is too bad.

An alarm clock will tell you when to get up every morning but it cannot tell you WHY to get up in the morning . . . that takes remembering  you came straight from God’s heart  . . . it takes listening to your heart for those holy plans God has for you . . .continues to have for you . . . for the calling of your life.

Deep in the heart of every person is a desire to know your life matters. Nobody wants to be a space-taker . . . every one desires to be a difference maker.

We don’t want to be space-takers. We want to be difference-makers and that desire to make a difference is one of the most important things about us.

Before we were even shaped in the womb God knew about us and had and has holy plans for our lives . . . and as we seek to live out that calling to BE who God created us to be we can count on God being there for us.

We serve and follow Jesus, the greatest difference maker who ever lived and who taught us the best way to find your life . . . to find your WHY is to continually give yourself away in love.

Do you have any idea what God could do with a church full of people who say, “All right God, it’s amazing to think we come straight from your heart into this world. We’re going to listen to that call you place in our hearts to be difference makers today and not just space takers. We’re going to get up every morning trusting you have holy plans for our lives and that you are going to be there for us as we seek to BE the people you created us to be and to love this world and the people in it in such a way that it becomes the world you dreamed of.”

Today we celebrate graduates and send them into the next adventure of their lives with our prayers and love. Graduation ceremonies usually have a commencement speaker offering words of wisdom. (to read more, click this link: http://www.bendfp.org/.docs/pg/10770 )